Back Me Up

Comic Jim Gaffigan says being a dad is like being a backup QB in the NFL - that you’re not the star, and on the rare occasions you get called in, “people are nervous.” Same goes for the backup OB in labor delivery - like that doctor who delivered one of our kids who told me “don’t worry sir, this is my first birth but I have delivered goats.” I had a back up barista this morning in training at the local deli - she was sweet when she handed me the vanilla latte. “Sorry, I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be green.” The backup is actually the most important person in some professions - Sophie played the backup for an off-Broadway show; the understudy to give the lead’s vocals a rest on a Saturday matinee even if my own nerves were elevated at every note. Or in baseball, like Mariano Rivera who saved more games in a 5 year stretch for the Yankees, when candidly no one was nervous. Enter Sandman, we’d say. Healthcare is used to back ups - back up doctors, called Locum Tenens, are becoming more necessary as the starting docs retire or need a break from the rigor and pressure of long shifts in hospitals. They are no less important to families in crisis. Mental healthcare is increasingly relying on backups. They’re called clinicians on their way to a license but if you’re dealing with anxiety or trauma, let’s face it—you’re in crisis more often than you’re not, so having a back up in those occasions can be an issue, requiring supervision, guidance, trust. But I suppose we need these backups, it’s healthcare’s way of replenishing.  Sort of like parents: Have children, teach them well, make them leave the house, hope they have kids who will be nicer than your own set of degenerates to take care of you when you can’t remember to eat. My wife is nervous when she taps me to back her up, like any sort of hot meal . “I assume you didn’t use that same knife for the chicken as you did to cut these oddly wet vegetables.” She used to tell me, “just back me up here” when we were telling the kid how it had to be. To her credit, my wife isn’t so much nervous when she calls me into the game, as desperate. Long days teaching young kids is a whole other backup role. These days, teachers are therapists, police, traffic cops, nurses and educators, angels if you ask me—filling in for parents to keep society going forward. It takes nerves and nuance, patience and, if I was in charge, I’d double what teachers make. Just back me up here…