Side Effects

This is the one about the day dad hit the wrong button on the TV remote, and 911 showed up.

So it occurred to me at 7:39 last night that the plastic package carrying the torque wrench I bought for $18 is virtually unopenable, so much so that I had to go buy another tool just to open it.  It’s like when I needed a prescription for a drug to treat the side effects of another drug. I’m pretty sure the health of the nation is facing the side effects of old age so much so it’s creating entire industries. Consider that I spend about 22 hours a week helping dad undo damage from the TV and phone buttons he hits. “BRY!!! THE TV WON’T WORK. 911 JUST SHOWED UP BECAUSE I PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON. I’M LOST. HELP!! THE YANKEES BLEW LAST NIGHT’S GAME. LOVE TO KIDS.” This is life with family over 80—a ridiculous, sad, albeit hilarious side effect of innovation and technology forcing us to buy even more technology just to help us manage the technology we bought in the first place. Case in point, I found a system called JubilleeTV that supposedly helps you help the parents from afar, sort of a Wizard of Oz man behind the curtain meets Truman Show tool that gives you access to the TV from anywhere. I thought it was a smart TV but apparently not. I was honestly ready to spend the $800 they’re asking for the all-in package but I’d rather spend it on gas to drive to the house ($15), a couple cups of coffee and cinnamon kruellers ($10), and, if I’m lucky enough to turn the TV back on to dad’s show, maybe I’ll have money left over to fix the giant crack in the sliding door – a side effect of dad shanking Titleists in the den.