The 80-Year-Old Outlaw

So 80-year-old Dad stole the hospital mini cab golf cart Wednesday then managed to slam it into one of those automated mobile lab robots. I can't make this stuff up. Public safety swiftly carted him off for questioning. It all started when we got off the elevator in the medical building, waited for what felt like an hour for transport to show, saw the idle cab and when 83 year old Doris showed up a bit wobbly and needing a lift to cardiology, I said hop in -- only I turned to dad and said "Take the wheel pops - you've always wanted to do this....no time like the present." So against logic and, well, probably hospital policy, dad took off. He was Thelma and Louise on a quest to get Doris to her appointment on time. All until dad took an incredibly slow yet awkward turn at the corner of ICU and vascular surgery - he was like Austin Powers trying to reverse but it was too late. We smashed into the robotic lab cart and set off a ridiculous alarm. You'd have thought we were Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid trying to rob lab supplies in a getaway golf cart going 7 miles an hour. It was all too familiar to me, like that day dad ran over the lamp post with our '77 Chevy Scooter, only this time a tad bit illegal. "I always wanted to be one of those drivers helping people get from place to place," he told the hospital security officer. Unfortunately his plea fell on deaf ears and the hospital said he couldn't come back. "Not even for my surgery consult next week?" Well that's fine, said the officer, "just no more mini cab adventures." I have mixed emotions about the incident. I obviously started it but this was no joy ride. There's a healthcare staffing crisis unfolding and we need more people like dad to pitch in, more retirees with the wisdom and, let's face it, free time to do their part. I suppose driving miss daisy inside a hospital is maybe not the safest job choice but still, perhaps there's a way for seniors to contribute (like the new wave of companies matching youth with seniors for companionship and mental health). Perhaps there's a way to help them keep their hand in, feel some purpose, live out some dreams and maybe, just maybe, live a little bit better….