When I Almost Qualified For Medicare

So I’m 55 but believe I may have just qualified for Medicare since I watched a PBS show on how to make a lantern. It was on a Saturday at 1130 in the morning. When it was sunny outside. That’s right— when most people my age were out running errands, lawnmowers or laps around the pool, I was soaking in a riveting program about why forgetting to freeze a tin can before hammering your lantern will cause the metal to warp. Medicare apparently didn’t agree with me but said this situation may qualify me for “you’re basically elderly” benefit. But my request was ultimately denied. Candidly, I just wanted the supplemental benefits they offer, especially the free carpet cleaning and tooth paste. My wife said to ask for the hearing aides too, "since you haven't heard a thing I've said all week."  I appealed their decision by submitting photographs, like the one showing me cutting my lawn with scissors. That had to qualify me as elderly, for sure. I added that I like cribbage and play pickle ball in a wool sweater inside a senior center where the net is just a piece of masking tape. "Where in the world is that draft coming from? Does no one feel that breeze?" This body of evidence seemed sufficient, nay undisputable, but it still didn’t qualify me. Frustrated, sort of the way my dad gets when his phone starts talking to him in Spanish, I appealed a third time, but Medicare once again denied my request and referred me to a psychological assessor, which I may well need, and then said to reach back out in about 10 years. To their credit, they did acknowledge that I am “mostly elderly” — sorta like Billy Crystal saying Wesley was “mostly dead” in The Princess Bride — but that I was missing a few key requirements. “You’re missing something alright,” my wife said. This whole situation may have just been a dream, I'm not sure, because I’m starting to forget things like why I walked into a room, but it sure felt real and makes me wonder if in fact Medicare should expand its eligibility criteria. Personally I think what defines elderly is moreso how we feel and how we behave, and I suppose a bit what we watch on TV and when—not our age or disability only. But what do I know - I drive 10 miles below the speed limit, bump into walls and talk to people in elevators, which my wife and kids say disqualifies me from having a vote on things and may just qualify me for elderly status. I may need more evidence for another appeal, so if you have any ideas just reach me at bcote underscore 18 at hotmail dot com - yes, hotmail.